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Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 02:44 am We interrupt this legitimacy for some late-breaking PWN4GE!!!
Current Mood: vindicated
Current Music: The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game-Massive Attack Feat. Tracey Thorn-Batman Forever
In order to bring some joy into my life, I got a puppy.

Not a real one, however. I've succumbed to the infinite cuteness of Nintendogs.

Now, not all of you are aware that this game sold a quarter-million copies it's first week. It was not anticipated that it would be such a success to western audiences, and most retailers had completely sold out of all three versions of the game.

I made a trip to our mall, to the Electronics Boutique that I had up until that point vehemontly boycotted, simply as a last bastion of hope that I could get a copy of this game, specifically, the Dachsund version.

I see the empty package on the shelve and request a copy. They're out. They won't get any until late September. I suggest taking the empty box down saying only that instills false hope. The clerk takes it as implying false advertising by correcting and reminding me that it never says the game is currently in stock. Furthermore, no one that he knows of has the game in stock and doubts I'll have a copy until they receive more.

I trudge around the corner to FYE. My friend locates their top 10 video game section and finds the last copy of Dachsund (and the game itself) and tosses it to me. I make my purchase and find out that the store is cleaning out their old promotional tools and get a very cool backpack shopping bag, a copy of Bob Dylan live in concert and some movie called "Pocket Ninjas". I give my friend Pocket Ninjas to give to his visiting niece, and we head out into the mall once again.

We pass Electronics Boutique, which, sense it is set in the center of the mall, has a window on the outside. As we approach I see the sales clerk restocking the shelf right next to the window.

I reach into the bag and pull out the copy of Nintendogs, and in a move straight out of Good Will Hunting (and partly Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back) knock on the window, press the game against it.

"Applesauce, bitch!"

And I smugly walked out of the mall.

Seriously? I was going to do that. I was ready. I swear on my grandmother's grave, I was gonna do it. It just turns out that the clerk stocking wasn't the same one who "assisted" me. This one was actually on break during the exchange. It would've been a very weird moment for him.

"...This guy just game up to the windows and said something about 'applesauce' and I'm all like 'what the hell'."

Anyway, I got Nintendogs, and my little Beagle Tia is doing just fine.

That EB bastard still needs a dose of applesauce, though.
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Aug. 24th, 2005 @ 11:04 pm A Marvelous Approach to Failure
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Pray-Hitomi-Japan-A-Radio - Anime Music & Japanese Pop (JPOP / Anime)
It is not without a certain irony that attempts taken to ensure that a company's capabilities are up-to-date and improved-upon can in actuality render that same company as weak and as helpless as a parapalegic mongoose.

Initially, the catastrophe dates back to about three months ago, when a process known as "sales force effectiveness" was implimented. The entire art department's customer base was reorganized, taking away the territories of east, west, central and inside and sorting them by business type. Not only did many customers feel uncertainty with their new sales representatives, many of those sales reps lost revenue when their significant accounts were transferred. In addition, designers who had been all too familliar with the needs of their regular clients, were at a loss and sailing aimlessly on a fecal fjord.

It is without certain coincidence that error rates have also been raising at phenomenal levels since the insipid inception of this cancerous design.

This past Monday marked the latest achievement in cutting the design team's metaphorical achilles tendon, as the computer systems were upgraded from Mac OS 9.2 to Max OS X. This move had been prophecised since my arrival into this company.

I suppose it should come to me as no surprise then, that it was only on the previous Thursday night when our IT director humbly mentioned to the supervisor initiating this change that Mac OS X would not connect to the servers necessary to do our daily tasks. This now required additional funds to upgrade other machines, and it was not until Friday evening that Mac OS X would connect to our new Windows 2000 server to allow us to get our jobs completed.

Of course, this does nothing to help us when production is brought to a screeching halt thanks to the evidently evil typface known as Helvetica. Apparently there is a significant difference with this font between 9.2 and X, where the only solution is to convert Helvetica to Arial in any ad it may appear in.

I am almost certain that there has not been an ad composed on this team that does not include Helvetica.

But this does not deter us as much as not having Photoshop on every computer. A total of four computers out of 15 now have Photoshop, and only one of those four includes a functioning scanner. In addition, only two of our four laser printers now comply with our print demands, none of them within an enjoyable walking distance.

I have officially ceased giving a crap.

I left work this evening 20 minutes early when the thought of returning tomorrow left me with chest pains. I'm still shaken, and am not certain on whether or not I will use a sick day tomorrow. I doubt that anything would come of it, as our sales assistant has a habit of calling in sick frequently with increasingly ridiculous excuses, and still has a job when she decides to show up.

My resume distribution begins this weekend.
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Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 12:02 am False Theories to Prove True
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Helena-My Chemical Romance-Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
Unless you are chronologically deficient, you are more than likely aware that I have surpassed my self-imposed two week trial, which was designed to encourage opinions that were less derived from popular culture and materialism.

You may also notice that my innagural entry in my chronicles of insight was also the last. While I did not wish to plague my journal with trivial nothings as I have done so in the past, I did have the desire to express myself in a thought-provoking fashion. Unfortunately, once I had found something worth scribing, my continuously ill-fated iBook was stricken with yet another failed logic board. Thus, I was without my primary gateway for nearly one week.

I had prepared a number of possible topics for my returning entry, ranging from the controversal crusade of a power-hungry petrolphile, to the paradoxial business model that my community has seemed to adopt over the last decade.

Of course, I have decided to use none of those, and will briefly rationalize my hatred for the perpetuated white collar myth of "PC Compatibility".

A particular co-worker has been using the excuse of "PC Compatibility" for two weeks now, leaving many ads undone. Excuses have ranged from "the copy was sent in PC format" to "the photo was sent in PC format". Giving this co-worker the benefit of the doubt and acknowledging that we are primarily a Mac-based business, I still hold true to my belief that this co-worker is growing increasingly lethargic in her work habits, and that her philosophy of the PC format is to be dismissed as the purest form of equestrian excrement.

PC Compatibility was a critical issue... in 1980. Bear in mind that I may be off by a revolution of the Earth or two, but my point remains valid. With cross-platform design and application transporting, there is no longer a boundary between the land of the X86 and PowerPC. When it comes to documents and most media formats, it is not a matter of platform compatibility, but file format.

A JPEG opens on a PC just as it would on a Mac. A Word document can open on a PC and a Mac, and for the most part, and compatibility issues are the fault of the software engineers that manufactured the imperfect office suite (as it stands for either platform). Platform compatibility only becomes an issue with proprietary software such as Garageband, and that is a poor example as the files crafted from that program are not as widely spread about.

I am already growing weary of this topic, and shall leave you with not a final thought, but a warning. Do not consult me for your PC compatibility issues. Should you speak to me the phrase "is it PC compatible", I will adamantly forego any further elucidation and promptly and inexorably batter you until you are mistaken for a mistreated cadaver.

And I would like to advise you to do the same to any and all who ask you that very question as well.
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Jul. 19th, 2005 @ 01:31 am I'm slipping
Current Mood: sympathetic
Current Music: One Of A Kind-Breaking Point
I have recently come to the conclusion that I do not use this blog for what I originally intended it for: anonymous reflecting and venting of issues and instances that done did piss me off.

Perhaps I've become too introspective in the last few years, or perhaps I've forced myself to realize certain inevitabilities in the world and their status as a constant to my variable. Perhaps my wandering thoughts and philosophies, which are similar to strewn about philosophies of old, have finally helped me understand that I will not understand all things.

Regardless of whatever the reason may be, I am going to try an experiment and possibly alienate myself from my own blog, by actually using it to see inside myself as I use it to review other non-essential and materialistic elements of my life. And I will attempt to give this experiment five entries, or two weeks, whichever comes first.

Right now, you, my loyal attendees (both of you) are most likely thinking, "who ate the emo-berry waffles this morning?". With due respect an anonymity to all parties involved, I'd like to shed a little background on this new practice.

I am a proud member of a particular internet community. Like many communities, internet or not, there are, and will be, clashing elements. Sometimes this results in a lingering aggitation between two or more members, and sometimes it becomes much more hate-filled. Barring that, there are always counters to these annoyances and can counteract them, albeit invisibly at times.

Let me begin by stating that I have not been formally introduced to a member of this party that I have had a problem with. What I hear is mostly hearsay and conjecture if I may use the legal terms. I can confirm or deny nothing, neither acknowledge or ignore these tales of ignorance and, for lack of a better term, ass-hattery.

Tonight (or last night, depending on your temporal reference) I had the pleasure of having an extended chat session with another member of this community. This person was, to put it bluntly (and I say this to the person as apologetically as possible) not in the most joyous frame of mind. By this person expressing his or her current state of emotion by quoting a song, and accurately yet intentionally vaguely addressing emotions and subjects, he or she had inadvertently opened Pandora's box upon him or herself, and fell victim to backlash from all sides.

After this person began opening up about possible resolutions to this issue, he or she had entreated me to the possibility that he or she may no longer take part in our internet community. This instance was apparently the nail in the coffin, after a previous encounter or two had proven my theory that not everyone in this wonderful community was, to put it, again, bluntly, wonderful.

After sharing philosophical ideals with this person, and nearly begging him or her not to leave our community, I wasn't quite sure what else to do. Unfortunately, I was ushered offline due to scheduling conflicts and reluctantly had to abandon my chat session, apologizing to the AFK participant.

I realize how horrible anyone can feel at one point or another. I understand the emotional analogies, and while I do understand that, at one point or another, everyone feels as if they are walking alone through that long dark cave, that they always have a torch in hand. I also believe that you sometimes need someone not to show you the way, but to light that torch. Not that this eases the recovery or dispels sorrow in any possible way, rather it provides understanding of the experience, which in turn will not ease or dispel, but create insight and sharpen constitutions.

I'd like to think my methods of thought and philosophical preferences result from my own experiences. I've experienced pain, both emotionally and certainly physically. While I do not doubt that I will experience both at some time in the future, I do not doubt that we have these experiences for any other reason than to oppose what we often ignore.

We know pain is real, emotionally or physically. We have all felt it at one point or another. And we know it is pain because it is something very impacting or damaging to us. We do not crave it, seek it actively or wish it upon ourselves (though there are notable exceptions for several reasons) or welcome it with open arms. However, we have to have pain. Without pain or sadness, there is no pleasure or happiness. They are two forces that compliment each other, and that are necessary to keep each other in existence.

I believe once I realized that, I still experienced pain, again, emotionally and physically, but I could begin judging my well-being more accurately. I could now recognize what was right, and more importantly, understand that things will not always work out for the best, but that I could make the best out of that situation.

And I do believe that, at this late hour, my mind is actually collapsing in on itself much like a neutron star. Good night to you.

Dedicated to AC
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Jul. 10th, 2005 @ 11:24 pm Eww... Cobwebs...
Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: The Time is Now-John Cena and the Trademarc-You Can't See Me
(*blows dust off LiveJournal*)

Where the heck have I been? Could it be that I finally rant out of co-workers, movies and bad television to bitch about?

Nuh-uh.

But let's face it, not a lot has been going on in the life of HazMatt. I mean, I've been busy. Megacon came and went, Metrocon came after that (and holy crap, did that event suck in retrospect) and I've been hanging out with a number of OAers in my dwindling free time.

Hurricane Dennis did nothing to me other than make sure my windshield wipers work, and my friend had to cancel his trip because he got evacuated. Excuses, excuses. He never comes to visit. (*innocent look*)

Tomorrow's a big day, as I am hopefully going to be securing myself an apartment. It's going to seriously cut into my geek budget, but sacrafices have to be made if I want to keep what little sanity I have left. My current arrangement is cramped and from certain viewpoints, unfavorable. Updates on that and where you can send the housewarming gifts.

I've been religiously reading Cerebus, and fortunately the book has picked up again. Long story short (cuz I don't know if I've ever mentioned it and I'm too lazy to look) the story follows an aardvark named Cerebus through his adventures. He's a barbarian, he's a politician, he's pope, he tries to meet God... then it kinda goes downhill. (The story - it always goes down hill for Cerebus). At Book 5, Jaka's Story, Cerebus is barely a supporting character and the book seems to be annoying filler. Fortunately, it picked up with six and seven made a significant turn around. Also, this marks my halfway point through the 300 issue series. And for those wondering, yes it's a comic book, but it ain't exactly light reading.

Speaking of comics, DC's been getting most of my money these days. Let's go down the list, shall we? Batgirl, Robin, Green Lantern, Legion of Superheroes, Superman/Batman, Teen Titans and anything affiliated with Infinite Crisis. Well, not anything. Project OMAC, Day of Vengeance and Villains United are all great (and VU has a very interesting persepctive on bad guys versus bady guys) but the Raan-Thanagarian War reads like Tom Clancey in space.

On the anime front, I had to stop ordering my subtitled copies of Naruto, one - because the subtitles got really bad at one point, and two - because it's been licensed in America and that's just how "fansubs" are supposed to work. (For those of you who haven't read between the lines: dial-up users don't download fansubs too often... I had to buy poorly translated Chinese bootlegs. And I still love the series.)

New anime to my collection: Madlax. I'm still not sure which direction this anime is taking. Half of the episodes deal with Madlax, a mercenary, and the other deal with this girl Margaraet. Really not sure what's brewing, and I'm on volume 2.
Paranoia Agent is on the list, too. Wow! I love this series! Basically, when someone feels cornered, or suffers from extreme despair, Shonen Bat (or the lamer American name, "Li'l Slugger") arrives and frees the victim of their pain with a bat to the head. I don't want to spoil anything else, so catch this on Adult Swim when the replay starts. (Don't think about catching it in the middle.)
Gunslinger Girl. What can I say about this series? Holy cow, is this gold! You end up caring about the characters, the relationships make sense, it's heart-wrenching and heart-warming all at the same time! Horray for new, kick-ass anime!

Wrestling's been a little one sided lately. TNA lost their TV deal with FSN - actually, that's not entirely true. TNA, the highest rated program on FSN, did not renew their contract but it's still there. WGN, despite tremendous outpouring, did not pick up the show. Supposedly Spike TV will be picking up the show for a Saturday night timeslot. Considering it was doing well on FSN at Saturday Midnight, 10 PM is not that bad. Also, the flagship show Impact! is available for weekly download, and Sunshine network airs it on Friday nights. They've always been good to the wrestling crowd.
WWE on the other hand, has made everyone go "huh". The draft happened, a lot later than expected, and a lot stranger than the last times. The initial draft was just that, a draft. Two owners played a game of "beat you to it" to get the talent they wanted. The following year, the two general managers had to make random picks from the opposite roster. This year? Three weeks of 1 pick per show, then 2 picks for each show in the final week. As always, there were a bunch of trades at the last minute.
Who were fired.
WWE released almost everyone that was traded, 20 "releases" in forty-eight hours. Yikes.
On the other hand, I, a skeptic of the WWE-created ECW pay-per-view, One Night Stand, bought the DVD after rave reviews (the PPV aired on 6.12, the DVD was released not a month later) and I can say that I have never... ever... been as impressed with a wrestling DVD. This was old school ECW, and I'm glad that the WWE let them put on the show they wanted to do. Although they did edit out some of the original entrance music, but Alice in Chains and Metallica probably wanted too much money to use "Man in the Box" and "Enter Sandman" on the DVD release.

As far as manga goes, Shonen Jump has been snagging $5 a month. After reading this month's issue, I actually think I have an understanding as to what One Piece is about, and I'm pretty sure I'm liking it. The manga anyway.

And my recent movies? Nothing of note unless you count Sin City and Batman Begins. Scary when the best movies of the summer are comic book movies. Justify the medium, Hollywood!

And with that, I'm out like trout!
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Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 02:13 pm For Everything Else, There's Mastercard
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Ending Theme-浜渦正志-Piano Collections FINAL FANTASY X
New jeans, shoes, and a haircute. $40
Weekend tickets to Megacon. $35
MREs instead of over-priced hotdogs: $12
Supporting a local artist. $4
The complete .hack//SIGN. $120
45 episodes of Naruto Fan-Subs on DVD. $70
Owning a DVD player that won't play Region 2. -$70
Remberring your Playstation2 is a region-free progressive scan DVD player. Priceless.

Back from Megacon, and I'm out of it. So, that's all you get today.

Later.
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Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 09:45 pm Megacon! Megacon! Megacon! (Plus, "Solve for X, b*tches!")
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Ending Theme-浜渦正志-Piano Collections FINAL FANTASY X
So, here I am, one day estranged from the start of my vacation. One more eight hour shift and I'm free! A Thursday night to relax! Friday morning for a fresh haircut, a drive to Orlando, comic shops, City Walk, Margaritaville! And Megacon itself! Comics, anime, J-Pop, friends, and a japanese rock concert! w00t!

This is my xth consecutive Megacon, because quite frankly, I no longer remember. It all starts to blend together. But this is my one-year anniversary of OA, which is cool, because it opened me up to a new group of friends, even if I've never seen most of them face-to-face.

So my mind is obviously gone. I checked out. Waiting for Megacon and being on a new work schedule has totally fried me noggin. So needless to say, simple questions like "How are you" or "Why is that burning?" cause me to become a drooling idiot. Neat, huh?

So I get this full page cellular phone ad that came in for changes. This should be simple. Until I read the instructions:

"The Cingular logo in the ad is for corporate ads only. Please use the one we've attached."
(Which is the one I used plus "Authorized Agent" beneath it. But, who cares. Check.)
"Also, there needs to be more white space around the logo..."
(Check.)
"The logo needs to be the size of [our company] logo..."
(Well, that means I have to shrink half the other text, but okay. Check.)
"The logo also needs more white space around it so that it stands out more..."
(Okay, this is getting bad. But, nevertheless... check.)
"...The white space surrounding the logo must be equal in width to the icon in the Cingular logo."

Now listen to me, you gord-bellied cod piece! We have slaved over this ad for two days and it is already past your changes deadline! I have figured out how to fit the content of three full page ads into one, I have found high-quality photos of your phones so we don't have to use the f*cked up scans you sent us. I even read your instructions and found out how fast Little Johnny has to run before the train runs over his bus leaving Denver, or whatever the f*ck it was that you were talking about! But this...

...This is a moot point, actually.

Grumble. Stuff sucks.
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Jan. 11th, 2005 @ 02:09 am Return... of the Lappy!
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Breakthrough-Hope 7-Breakthrough - EP
So, my logic board on my iBook died, again, which Apple replaced, again. Yes, I had to go a week without my Lappy, but consider this: As I was adjusting my settings (they went back to default crappy settings during the repair) my iBook reminded me to adjust the settings for my wireless network.

Now, my network is not wireless, and dial-up. Perhaps it meant my friend's iBook, which has a wireless network to support such adjustments. But nay, t'was addressing me. Curious, I pop open the keyboard (which is how you get to the guts of this thing) and find this!

Woohoo! Retribution in it's best form: The one that gives me free stuff!
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Jan. 11th, 2005 @ 02:09 am Presenting: Working with Haz
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Those Beats from Fist & Buchman's Scion Commercial
Y'know, I'm known for my "off-the-cuff" remarks. Let's go over a few of my recent wonders from work.

Phone rings:
Boss: "Can you see me in my office?"
Me: "No, the cubical's in the way."

Co-worker (to supervisor): "I'll be in the bathroom. I'm having some stomach trouble."
Supervisor: "Thank you for sharing."
Proofreader: "Before you go, I don't think this belongs here."
Co-worker: (to proofreader): "There's a problem with my colon?"
Me: "Isn't that why you're going to the bathroom?"

On my workload:
Supervisor: "Where do you stand?"
Me: "Alone. In the shadows. Ever vigilant on a quest for justice."
Supervisor: "How's your workload?"
Me: "Good."

Sharing a questionaire at a meeting:
Boss: "Where would you like to be?"
Me: "...in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. I bet that'd feel good."

Co-worker: "We file things by the company's first letter..."
Me: "Right."
Co-worker: "What if it's a number?"
Me: "X"
Co-worker: "X?"
Me: "In most mathematical expressions 'x' is the representation of a numeric variable. So we put it there."
Co-worker: "Really?"
Me: "No."

Me: "Oh, now I can use the process color fax machine!"
[same] Co-worker: "We have one!?"
Me: "No."

Co-worker: "Where do you want me to stick this?"
Me: [pause / stern look] "You're new. I'll let it slide..."

[retiring] Co-worker (Joking): "I'm not gonna miss you, you little brat."
Me: "Are you gonna go back to hosting 'Tales from the Crypt' again?"

That's it. My days in the comic shop are so not-printable.
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Jan. 7th, 2005 @ 02:04 am Guess who's back with a brand new rap?
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Y'know it's something Japanese...
Not much, folks, but I'll run it down, backward, biznitch!

No, it's much more random than that.

So, Monday night I'm listening to my iPod at work (cuz I'm cool like that) and found a recording of an edition of the Unwound Show from Japan-A-Radio. It was cool, so I listened to them rave about the Tenchi Muyo OVA. I get home, get on Amazon, and price OVA volume 1.

Verily, the distributor has re-released it under a budget label, and Amazon is hocking this thing for $10. (For a 7 episode anime! Do you know how hard it is to find anime with more than 4 episodes per disc?) And then I get snookered. Buy it with volume 2 for only $20! Okay, why the hell not? Then they hit me with the old "Oooh...nuts, there's free shipping at $25". Oh yeah, well, I'll show you! I'll just...order...more?

So now I got Tenchi OVA 1 & 2, plus the first movie coming to me, at a very, very fair price. I take the free shipping, wincing when I'm told it's 8-13 freakin' days! Ack! And here it was, the 2nd of January! Well past midnight, making it the 3rd, making me wait even yet another day!

And I check my e-mail, and see a notice from Amazon. I track my package, and ta-dow! Here's the three day run-down for my 13 day shipping: 1/3/05 - shipped. Left New Jersey. 1/4/05 - Arrived at Jacksonville, FL. (WTF? This is UPS ground, people! Y'know what the means, a driver, who appreciated my love of anime, got himself one helluva speeding ticket!) 1/5/05 - Arrived at Brookesville, FL. Egads! That's damn near where I am! Unless UPS sits on this thing (like the editors of Blue Gender: The Warrior sat on the series to make a movie [Ha ha! Continuity!]) I should have this thing Saturday. And speaking of Saturdays:

Last Saturday was the swear-filled Crash-fest. Myself, Big Otaku, his brother and his sister-in-law all gathered together, with many Playstation 2's and many televisions, to beat the everloving [bleep] out of each other in the pseudo-vehicular homicide that is Burnout 3: Takedown. A good time was had by all. Except I think I got a damn bug from Biggie's Sister-in-law. Damn her generous attitude!

Tuesday, I didn't think I was going in to work. Proved them wrong! I went in for an hour and used only seven hours of sick time! Ha! I came back, and Mom, who believed I had just been in a funk, was quite amazed when I display a thermometer reading over 100 degrees. ("Oh, you are sick. How bout that.") Geez, Mom, how many times have I been in the hospital with something?

So Tuesday was an in-bed day. Wednesday, I went to work for half the day because I needed the money. But let's face it, when Hazmatt misses new comic day, he's sick, or dead.

But I'm feeling much better now!
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Dec. 28th, 2004 @ 01:40 am Where's Haz Been?
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Pika★★Nchi Double-嵐-いざッ、Now
Good question. You probably don't care.

First, iPod. I got me an iPod, so Radiolover is finally paying off, and I'll be buying neat stuff from These guys and probably them, too.

Also, I'm probably going to abandon my livejournal in favor of something else.

See, I dabble in some web design, and I have a domain that's doing nothing right now, so I'm probably going to move my blog to my own domain, with my own system. It'll show a little bit more stuff. More on that later.

Booyah! iPod!
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Dec. 13th, 2004 @ 02:09 am Parental Advisory Warning
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Yeah I Want You Baby-The Brilliant Green-Japan-A-Radio - Anime Music & Japanese Pop (JPOP / Anime)
So, I get this add at work. A full-page real estate ad, process color. Time consuming, usually, but not this one. This realtor runs mostly one block of copy and then 12 small listings. No problem at all, I type out her little holiday message of "Generic happy holidays and buy a damn house cuz I need to eat" when I get to her spanish translation. I look at it, and something seems off.

Now, I'm far from fluant in Spanish. I never understood all those "ustedes" and "ques" and extra "y"s that end up everywhere. I tried to understand it, but the syntax is just so screwy. One time, my Spanish teacher tried to explain the syntax with the rhyme, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream". I then asked if we were getting ice cream, and she said no. Then, with a mumble and some rusty gaelic, I conjectured that her mother was a prostitute.

But despite that she was an ice cream denying daughter of a whore, I did actually learn something from my Spanish teacher, such as how to say "I live in your bathroom" and "Do you like to play with cheese?" So I went with my gut and assumed that this realtor did something incorrect, and decided that I would cross-reference her abilities through Babelfish.

Now, I hadn't used Babelfish in a while, not since I ended up on that website with the camera of the French chick and I needed to know how to say "[bleep] the Croissant! [bleep] the Croissant!". As it turns out, [bleep] is a fairly universal term, so Babelfish was useless in that instance. However, I believed it would be very useful this time, so I absolutely had to find it. How do we search for something on the internet?

With Google! And I love Google, because not only is it a noun as a unit of measurement, but the inception of the website has also transcended Google into a verb. Only two members of our numerical system have accomplished such a feat, Google, and the number 69. It's a rare occurance because it simply often won't work. If you're pissed off at someone, you can't stare them down, snarl and say "I'm going to one-hundred and twelve your ass!"

So I Google for Babelfish, and get what I'm looking for in the first result, as Google usually does. I type in the spanish phrase exactly as written. "[Realtor] le desea una feliz navidad y un prospero anos nuevo". Click click boom, we hit translate, and there it is. There is the translation that I had curiously decided to double-check, and I question my abilities of speaking Spanish, for it read:

"[Realtor] wishes you a Merry Christmas and a prosporous new anus."

Wow, that could have been devestating. I print out Babelfish's report so I have proven reasoning for changing the customer's copy, and correct it, snickering all the while. Until I began to think about what she had written. For perhaps, it was not a mistake.

A prosporous new anus? What sort of anus would bring prosperity? That's a very powerful ass, indeed. And this realtor, generously, was wishing upon each and every one of us an ass so powerful that it would bring us good fortune. That is a christmas wish.

However, I still made the changes and reported them, as if the copy ran as it had been submitted, lawyers would be calling by the week's end, and my company would be figuratively [bleep]ed in the year-hole.
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Dec. 10th, 2004 @ 02:32 am I am here. You are not.
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Sunrise-Bennie K.-Japan-A-Radio - Anime Music & Japanese Pop (JPOP / Anime)
Long time no post.

Here's the dilly-o. (Hey, get me, I'm Beck!) Spent some time packing up stuff, putting it in boxes, and moving said boxes to a new house. How is said new house? Frickin' awesome! (Y'knew it was gonna be.)

Anyway, for the most part my internet access was working fine. (We're still simple dial-up folk, 'round these parts.) Apparently our temp line went kaput before we got our new one, and I went about a week without being online. Combined with being tired as hell and going out on the weekend, it just didn't seem a priority. Now I'll never get my geek license.

I bought a copy of PSM Playstation Magazine this month, mainly to see if the playable demos were worth the subscription cost. Low and behold, Haz is greatly pissed because said magazine does not come with any playable demos, but a DVD with recorded footage of games. And some movie trailers. What the hell?

Next week, it's the Official US Playstation magazine. I'm getting me a subscription and some freakin' demo discs. Cuz I love the first two levels of a game I'm currently undecided about! Frickin' awesome!

I also bought the Matrix Ultimate Collection. As I'm watching the 3-hour episode of DBZ guest-starring Jesus that is Revolutions, I see a few skips in the movie. Later, after I finished the movie and new some points where the skips had consitently occurred, I pop the disc into my PS2 and head to those scenes. Yup, skip. Damn it, now it's off to Wal-Mart. The funny thing is, they'll refund money on cans of beer ("I swear them was open when I bought them, and that ain't right!") before they give me money back on a defective piece of merchandise. ("Just because it's broken doesn't me you shouldn't deserve your money back, sir.")

For those of you at all interested, here is my current iTunes count, thanks to RadioLover. 1.6 days of music, totalling 608 songs, 239 artists and 41 albums. The grand total of size? 1.46 GB. And I'll have 20GB of an iPod to fill up. I'd better get going.

My friend loaned me some of his NewType DVDs, which had previews for some fun stuff like Azumanga Daioh, Chrono Crisis and Mezzo. I gotta say, all of them are good for different reasons. Azumanga, you got the cute little girl comedy going, like the Powerpuff Girls or something. Actually, I think Bubbles does the voice of Chio-Chan. Chrono Crisis is a fun action/comedy thing that I want to see more of. Mezzo? It's got a very Cowboy BeBeop thing going for it. Cool.

Well, that's it for my for the time being. Keep an eye out for a link to the upcoming cow-tastrophie that results from a digital camera and a stuffed bovine collection. Hillarity will ensue, or I shall shake my fist with rage. Rage I say!
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Nov. 5th, 2004 @ 03:32 am Tough Crowd, indeed.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Whatever-Ayumi Hamasaki-Japan-A-Radio - Anime Music & Japanese Pop (JPOP / Anime)
Not much jovial activity for me today.

Dateline: Tuesday. The promotions team at work commandeers our color laser printer for a few minutes. It's an odd request, but the announcement is made and we don't use the printer for about the next ten minutes.
Fast forward later on in the evening. No color proofs are coming out of the printer. Our supervisor rolls up her sleeves (almost literally) and discovers shreds of paper threaded around just about every roller in the machine. The paper had apparently been in there for so long, spinning against other rollers, that the friction had glossed the paper. After thirty minutes of seam ripping and replacing the magenta toner (not an after affect of the incident, just needed to be done) we start getting our color proofs and all is well. We are however, pissed that the person who caused the jam simply walked away without a care in the world.

Dateline: Wednesday. We are informed at our stand-up meeting that we are now without a color printer. Apparently, the person who had caused the jam the day before had done so by running Ink Jet-Only Iron On transfers through the laster printer. (We know they were Ink Jet only, because the transfers read so on each individual sheet.) Not only did the person walk away without mentioning the jam the night before, but after realizing that we had fixed the problem, decided to run them through. Again. Then, one of the members of our tech team (or a tech team on crack, I've yet to decide) was "told by someone" (never actually saying who this person was) told her that she could fix the problem by cleaning the drums with alcohol.
For those of you wondering if cleaning electro-static drums with alcohol is a good idea, I would like to point out that our publisher is quite pissed at this individual. We now have to pay $800 out of pocket to replace the fusing mechanism. We lease this printer, and "human error" is not covered under our warranty. And our computers are no longer in our capital budget, so we have to get the money from somewhere else.
Now, we have to send our color proofs to the printer in pre-press. This ties up the pre-press printer, which hurts them during their deadlines and crunches and what not.
Later that night, a coworker who has been at the job as long as I have (2 years in July) and is very good at the job decides (appropriately so) that he is being under paid and has taken a job at Copy Max for $3 more an hour. What can I say? Salary caps suck. And if I didn't want to prove that I can stick with a job for more than a year (I tend to find crappy jobs) I'd bolt too. After all, I'm going for a new car soon, and need to prove job stability. Besides, now when I do leave, I'd have developed so much skill that it will cripple the night shift horribly.

Dateline: Thursday. I count up the ads to be done on my team alone. I reach nearly 900. To give you some perspective, our Monday paper runs approximately 800 inches of advertisements. And this is only my team. We reach a count of an eerily even 2,000. And most of it is large, problematic real estate ads. Needless to say I was forced to leave over 350 inches undone. The day shift should be presently supplied, as the incomplete folder does not exactly, well, fold. It's more of an incomplete sample platter at this moment.
So I come home, have some dinner and turn on TV, right? All's good? No! One of my favorite shows, Tough Crowd, apparently did not get rave reviews by mainstream critics, and was cancelled.

Now, I was not the biggest fan of the show when it had it's two-week promo, but I stuck with it and quickly enjoyed it. The arguing back and forth about issues, throwing in the occasional insult between friends, is something I'm very familiar with. I loved the bits they threw in, and the Act 4 "what would you do" situations.

Now, two years is a very long run for anything on Comedy Central. The Daily Show has been very lucky. I remember when it debuted as part of SPF 100 and didn't even have an audience. Aside from TDS and South Park, I don't think that network has had any original programming that lasted more than two years.

And as Patrice O'niel said, other networks will try the Tough Crowd approach. CC tried "CrossBalls" and it bombed because they admitted it was fake. Another network will put a bunch of suits together, and one of them will make a statement about an issue and add "you have a big head". The viewers will say "click" because it's not real. They had issues, they had different opinions, prejudice, and more, but the guys on Tough Crowd were honest and friends. It was something you don't see on debate shows. I'll miss it.

And so, I shall close with one of the recent Act 4 bits from Dave Attell. Who would you write in for President of the United States. "I'd write in Jenna Jameson. Aside from the obvious reasons, she's a rather smart business woman, she knows how to get things done, and she would fight our terrorist enemies with what they truly, honestly feared: Hot girl-on-girl action."

Next week, Fox News tries "Republicans Really Rap". Excerpt: "Bush is right." - "Yeah, he is, and you're fat!"
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Oct. 30th, 2004 @ 04:00 am More Nothing, Really
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Always I Need-JPOP Show: Koumi Hirose
So, not a lot has been going on. As usually, it's random stuff and opinions to disguise the fact that I truly have no life at all.

I went to Barnes & Noble last week and picked up a few books. First on the list, a couple of mangas. (Japanese comics for you people not in the know). FLCL volume 1 (not nearly as cool as the show, the artwork gets pretty choppy and vague...) and Naruto volume 1. Long story short, this weekend I'm probably grabbing Naruto volume 2. I'd heard a lot of hype about the anime series that spawned from this, and as far as the manga goes, I'm loving it. I was hooked after the first chapter.

The third book was "Learn All About Texas Hold'Em (for five bucks!)". For those of you who don't know, I've developed a strong affinity for the game and was just a tad bit behind on the rules. I'm trying to get some local games together (cashless, of course, fun only). I'm starting to pick up a lot of the terminology and need to get into a real game, seeing as most of the people at the Yahoo! poker tables don't know what they're doing or don't care.

I hit a milestone, wherein I registered a piece of shareware for the first time in my life. It's a little program that let's me record internet radio and play it back later. For instance, if I'm not going to be home when a particular show is playing on an internet station I like, I can schedule it to record and then listen to it at my leisure. I'd give a link but it's Mac OS X. Probably no one reading this runs that.

In the comic book world: It's been pretty good for DC. Identity Crisis number 5 hit a big turning point, and has now made me retract my retraction on my "Robin kicks ass" statement, as the character is about to take a big turn. Picked up Green Lantern: Rebirth. Totally uninteresting, but kick ass artwork. Teen Titans, as always, rules.

Work today kinda sucked. See, I was in charge of pagination tonight, and we hit a few snags. Nothing I did, actually. We have these things called group ads. Someone sells a boatload of little ads, and then we put them together on a thened page, like by territory or category. The little ads had been done, but the themed page itself (which includes placing the little ads and arranging them) had not. In fact, it had not even been put in the "do tonight" bin. They were left in the bin for next week's work. Also, a full-page process color ad was left completely out of the paper, which means the person who had spent four hours working up classified ads has to come in in the morning to smoosh them together to make room for the page we used to place the big money-making ad. And did I mention the five or six ads that were to go in the paper but hadn't even been done? They were in the "do next week" bin as well.

This was uncovered at about 9:00, and went for three hours. I didn't actually get to start putting the paper together until 11:00pm. I was done at midnight, managed to pump out a few more ads that had to be done by Monday to run in our new wednesday publication (the sales team decided to turn in those ads tonight....grumble.) before I headed out for the evening.

Other than that, I'm chillin. Or am I gellin'? I forget which one is cool to say anymore.

.haz//MATT
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Oct. 19th, 2004 @ 02:15 am Back from the Bay
Current Mood: morose
Current Music: Love Machine-Morning Musume-Best ! Morning Musume 1
I've just returned home from a fun but tiring escapade. My fellow otakues, with their designations cleverly encoded as "Big Otaku" and "Johnny Hentai" to conceal their identities and protect their loved ones, spent the weekend in Tampa. We hit a cool comic shop that had some stuff that ours had missed out on due to distributor errors (Go to Hell, Diamond!), had some food, bought some DVDs and had as much merriment as the Patriot Act permits. (Thought crime!)

Our primary purpose was a simple one: To watch Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence. And not in the comfort of our living room. No, we sought to watch this subtitled, thought-provoking, political and philosophically themed (and beautifully animated) work in a cineplex. Anime on the big screen, how can you not love that?

Anyway, our original intention was to watch the original on DVD Saturday, then head out for the midnight showing, get some sleep, and head back. Well, we got busy and midnight became the 3:00pm Sunday showing. We were just leaving a Publix when we noticed something wrong. Biggie's car wouldn't start.

A gentleman in a pick-up was kind enough to try a jump, but no dice. Johnny H has AAA, so he blabs away minutes on Biggie's cellphone as he realizes the orginization has reduced his perks to next to nothing. AAA could jump the car, or tow it if we like. Any tow over five miles would cost us $2.50 for ever extra 5,280 feet. AAA can also send someone out with a battery, which we're free to reject once they try to rip us off.

Biggie recalls seeing an Auto Parts place up the road, and I head along with him up the eight lanes as Johnny H stays with the car to welcome AAA. Biggie and I make the 1.5 mile trek to Advanced Auto in pretty good time considering our athletic conditioning consists of nothing utterly spectacular. We get the battery, and the clerk is kind enough to give us one of the shopping carts they use for moving supplies so we don't have to carry the battery back by hand.

Two minutes before we return (that's literally, mind you) Johnny informs us that AAA has just left, and the car is started after a jump. Well, Biggie and I need beverages, and rope to tie down the trunk so we can return the cart. We head to Publix again, grab some water and find no rope. We give Johnny a ring on the cell and tell him to meet us at the drug store two fronts over. Two seconds later (again, literally) I get a return call. Johnny H hit the brake, and the car died.

Biggie and I head to the drug store next door and get some rope. We come out and Johnny has done the right thing and started swapping out the battery. With one thing we notice rather quickly.

"Get that battery of the f'n ground!" Biggie quickly proclaims, with the courtesy of a miffed rhino.
(Batteries drain if left on the ground.)

We get the battery swapped, and Biggie notices a definite improvement in the lights on the dash. We get everything ready, head back to the Auto Place, return the cart and turn in the old battery for the deposit. (And also, because it's the right thing to do four the Earth. Go, Planet!) Biggie plugs one question at the clerk who's been cool beyond the call of duty. "Can you test the alternator?"

Turns out that part wasn't long for this world either, so right now our dreams of seeing the 5:00pm show are becoming dreams of seeing the 7:00pm show. Which takes another detour as we finish up after 7:00. We're hungry, and there's a CiCI's pizza nearby, so that's where we head.

Pizza was had by all. I got to play Mrs. Pacman and Galaga. I still suck. It's still cool.

We finally got to see our movie, at 10:15pm. We had lousy trailers, though that "Surviving Christmas" with Ben Afflect looked amusing at points. The movie as a whole kicked ass. Heavily political and philosophical, and at one point we thought the film skipped about ten minutes in reverse. And, for an unpromoted anime playing late on Sunday night, the theater was occupied a bit more than we expected.

Overall, the good points overshadow the bad. I got to complete what was missing from my current collections, bought the first season of Sealab 2021 (I love you, bucket-head Wendy) and went surprisingly long without using the internet. Proving I am not an addict. Which I never thought I was. So there.

That's it for me. I'm gonna go read "the Girl from Krypton", now.
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Oct. 8th, 2004 @ 02:09 am Parallel Nothings
Current Mood: morose
Current Music: Opening-Utada-Exodus
Oooh...I have to actually put that title to some use... Anyway, back at the blog with nothing that you can't find anywhere else. I think. Exclamation point.

First up, the new CD from Utada. J-Pop fans know her well, and the young lady's just put out her American debut. You can find it at Wal-Mart. I'd tell you to look under the "U"s, but we know they never clean those sections up. Try "Q" or over by the vitamins.

Now I've been working on it too long to stall, so at tomorrow's weekly Applebee's late-night feasting, my friend and I are going to go over the plot for the first issue of my comic series, and hopefully come up with a finalized script that I can start penciling.

CrossGen, the comic company I originally submitted a different (but kick-ass) property to, after declaring bankruptcy, will most likely be purchased by a subsidiary of Disney for the meager amount of $1 Million. Now you may scoff at that, but considering the company owed $5 Million to secured and unsecured creditors, it's pennies on the dollar.

I retract my "Robin kicks ass" statement as of issue #130. A storyline that could have been dragged out for at least a year was blown off after two months. The War Games storyline is sucking big time. And that's not even because there's a mammoth Batman cross-over every three months. It just blows. Teen Titans is kicking ass, though. And from the looks of their latest special, the new Legion will be just as good.

Okay, now, I'm going to attempt to do what no one else can. That's right. I'm going to try to think of a way to make the presidential debates watchable. And for this, we need... Vince McMahon.

...get your ass back here... that's not what I mean.

See, Vince McMahon has this killer production team, for both live performances and promotional purposes. That's what we need. Think about it. Tired of those boring "John Kerry threw away his purple hearts which he didn't even earn anyway!" commercials? Check this:

(cue the dramatic drums - fade in with grainy footage of JK on a swift boat)
GWB (off-camera) John Kerry didn't earn those medals! (soldier hands JK a photograph) He wasn't injured in battle! (JK gets a papercut from the polaroid) He's mocking all of our soldiers that put their lives on the line....
(cut to a snippet of JK coming face to face with GWB)
JK: I'm about to put this medal right down your f----ing throat! (cut to GWB's stern look, then back to JK's devious grin.) I'm just not sure if there's room for it next to the damn pretzel!

Ahh... see! Interesting, yeah? We run these two minute promos before the debate, which would take on a whole new appearance. Let's face it, they're leaning toward the direction anyway, so we'll have entry-ramps, jumbo-trons, pyro, and kick-ass theme music! Because when you have music that connects to you, you're hold body styles change. Imagine John Edwards bouncing down to the podium to Beck's "Loser". Or Cheney to "Seek and Destroy". Kerry to Creed's "Bullets", or Bush to... well Bush would just get one of Strongbad's e-mail songs.

Oh well, that's it.
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Sep. 29th, 2004 @ 02:05 am I got nothing
Current Mood: listless
Current Music: Light My Way-Audioslave-Audioslave
My life is been far too uneventful in the past week. I remain in a state of boredome and non-creativity, and my toe hurts. I mean, for the love of God, I don't even feel like discussing Hyper Active Bob! When Haz doesn't want to discuss McProfiling, he's damn board.
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Sep. 19th, 2004 @ 10:33 pm I'm not going to bed... I may not wake up!
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: I fear for my life, and do so amelodically.
So yesterday I head into the next county to scope out some stuff, right? Price Christmas Gifts and what not? And low and behold, flat tire.

So from where I was able to pull into, I hot-foot it to the K-Mart at the other end of the plaza. Wouldn't you know it, no automotive section. So I manage to drag my car across the street (the driver-side front tire is the one that blew) and pull about half-a-mile away from the Sears Auto store.

Another trek through the sun and I realize that I, being an idiot, did not bring the rim. A trek back, and a phone call to a friend in the area, and I get a ride from my car (brininng an extra rim from a previous flat) to the Sears and back again to the car. As it was already a half-hour and he had a 15 minute break, he had to bolt.

So I jack up the car, being that my emergency break sucks it rolls back. In the process twisting the jack I had so it is now useless. I call my Dad and he'll be up, but not soon as he works a good hour away.

I head across the street to the local Movie Theatre to use the restroom and wash up, and then get two bottles of water to last me until help arrives. I also kill time by reading the comic that I had bought before leaving for this particular destination.

Dad comes, and the tire gets changed, but after that, as I'm loading the stuff into the trunk, I crack my head on the locking machinsm, which felt like getting punched with a padlock.

With that all done, I decide to call it a night. I head home, clean up, change clothes, and go to get some foot from Quizno's. When I get home I realize that a yellow-jacket that had hidden itself in my car had crawled under my shirt and grown tired of me, stinging me just above the kidney area.

All in all, not a good day. And I had my Dad check my Quizno's bag for any cobras.

It's a dangerous world.
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Sep. 17th, 2004 @ 03:39 am Grab the Kids and Run!!!
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Who's Got My Back?-Creed-Weathered
The above title was the listing for a house in one of my real estate ads the other days. I kid you not, big, bold, three bangs, "Grab the Kids and Run!!!". House is a 2 Bedroom, 2 Bath, 1 Psycho-Killer in the Attic, apparently. I believe she went for the the importance of getting this house before someone else, but holy crap, you were off your mark like a blind gymnast.

Am I the only one thinks of Weebles as quadropalegics? Not to mention their trapped in those ovoid capsules like the boy in the plastic bubble. No wonder we applaud these things for not falling down, it's all they can do to stand up! Can we get a benefit concert or something?

Calm down! I said "benefit" not "bennnifer". Speaking of which:

Clerks X is on sale now, and I"ll be grabbing it next week, probably. You get a better deal if you buy it with Chasing Amy, ...Strike Back or Jersey Girl (which should be great, since Jennifer Lopez supposedly dies in the first act.) And you'll need to see it, if you plan on watching the Passion of the Clerks when it comes out.

I've got Family Feud on right now. I think it's funny how these guys clap like trained seals at every answer, and try to be so creative and innovative in their answers that they miss the obvious ones. And just the family standing there the whole time, trying to pull off this Rockwellian Hoax.... "Show me nephew hiding in the closet!"

I couldn't sleep, so I watched Mortal Kombat: Annihilation last night. I don't think that movie is watchable when you're high! The same questions and statements were repeated over and over again (kinda like having an Aaron Sorkin-style conversation with a deaf person), good friends snapped at each other for no reason, speaking parts were interchangible (except for token black dude who spoke like "Damn..." and hit on everything with boobs) and the action scenes looked like something out of Power Rangers with an extra $2,000 in the budget. It made Xena look smart, wity and well-directed by comparison.

And I think that caps it for me, people. This was a two-day blog, hence the lengthliness of it all. So, enjoy the double-fied goodness.

Snoogins.
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